Bad-tempered wife

As-salaamu-alaikum,
I have a wife who is very temperamental. She often gets angry with me, the children and many of our family members.
I have spoken to her on many occasions and she admits & then apologises thereafter. Is there something, from the Quraan or Hadith, that I may read for her to be relaxed/calm and as far as possible for this not to happen to her. Other than this, she is a wondeful wife & mother.

Praise be to Allaah.

You will find a detailed answer to this question in the book “Problems and Solutions”, which you can read on this website under the heading “"shaykh Wa Hulool",

’s books”, and in the answer to Question #658. The fact that your wife apologizes indicates that she recognizes and regrets her mistakes, which is the first step towards solving the problem. Remind her of her position in the household and that she is an example to the children, and warn her that her children may copy her bad behaviour and it may become part of their personalities, thus perpetuating the problem. Try to contain her by your patience. Your acknowledgement that she is a good wife and mother reminds me of the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “No believing man should hate a believing woman; if he hates one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Reported by Muslim, 2672). Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on this hadeeth: “I.e., he should not hate her, because although he may find in her one characteristic which he dislikes, he will find something that pleases him. Although she may be ill-tempered, she may also be religious or beautiful or chaste or kind towards him or something like that.” We ask Allaah to guide your wife and make her character good. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and verity teaching of holy Quran and with Quranic tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are necessitated if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity substance of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we continue with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is required to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the query remains the very same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any Divine All these response can be found when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our job.

She is a new Muslim and is complaining about her husband

I am a woman, who al-Hamdulillah, Allah guided to the straight path of Islam.
I do my best to follow Allahs deen, but I need some advise on some problems in relation to my husband.
I must tell you that the situation in our marriage is somewhat strained. Only a few months ago I came to the point when I asked my husband for a divorce because he neglected his Salaat even though he had been told about his duties, and he also had developed a bad habit of threatening with divorce and actually throwing me out of the house when he lost his temper. But when he realised that I was actually going to leave him, he repented and changed his ways, so I withdrew my question and returned. But there is still some tension between us. This is mostly due to the fact that as it is today, my husbands eeman is weaker than mine. I do not think I am perfect, and I know I also make mistakes. But I constantly see my husband doing things that are wrong (both things haram and makruh), and I cannot restrain myself and not speak to him about it. This is for example like using bad language in front of our daughter, or biting and kissing her in places where she should rather learn shyness, etc. When I tell him that it is not good to do these things, and sometimes I am able to give evidence from Qur'an and Sunna, he will either say that he knows this, and then continue with what he is doing, or become angry and tell me to mind my own business. This is a source of irritation for both me and my husband, and we are losing patience with each other. My question is: What is my test from Allah here? Is it not my duty to inform or remind him of what is right when I know it? Or should I be patient with him and wait till he finds out for himself, because he has started to read Islamic books. The reason I need some advise on this issue, is that my husband is getting quite annoyed with these reminders, and I am losing patience and becoming angry when he doesen't listen. Please try to give some advise, and please show the evidence from Qur'an or Sunnah that you lay to ground for your advise.

Praise be to Allaah.  

We praise Allaah for having blessed you and guided you to obey Him and please Him, and that your husband has been guided to change the way he treats you. We hope that this will give you hope that your husband will improve and mend his ways, in sha Allah. 

You should note that a righteous woman can change many of her husband’s attitude and habits, if she goes about doing so in a wise and kindly manner, without being hasty. 

Some husbands are put off by repeated advice from their wives, especially if that is in the presence of their children, because they may see that as an affront to their dignity or a belittling of their character. 

Hence you should pay proper attention to that, and choose the right moment to advise him from time to time. You should also be kind and loving towards him when offering advice, in the hope that he will respond. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better”

[al-Nahl 16:125] 

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Kindness is not present in a thing but it makes it beautiful, and it is not missing from a thing but it makes it ugly.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2594, from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her). 

The husband is the most deserving of people to be treated kindly, because of his status and position. 

We advise you to use various means to accomplish your mission, such as giving him some tapes and books, or bringing them home and leaving them near him, turning to Allaah and asking Him to put things right between you and to open your husband’s heart so that he will know the truth and act in accordance with it. 

And Allaah knows best.

Masturbation between husband and wife

Is masturbation haram between man and wife?


Praise be to Allaah.

It is not haraam, rather, it is permissible, because it is a part of the enjoyment which Allaah has allowed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Those who guard their chastity (.e., [private parts, from illegal sexual acts)
Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame." [al-Mu’minoon 23:5-6]

Her husband has given her the choice of either travelling with him to a kaafir country or staying in their homeland

A woman has been given the choice by her husband of either going with him when he goes to study in a kaafir country, and take a course there, or of staying in the Muslim country. He is going there for some worldly benefits and to earn a higher salary. Should she go with him or not?

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

“Praise be to Allaah, Lord of the Worlds, and peace and blessings of Allaah be upon our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions. I think that she should go with him, because this will keep him safer from temptation. There will be no sin on her so long as she adheres to her duties of covering and behaving modestly. But if he goes alone there is the fear that he may fall into temptation, and if she stays alone without a husband she will not be happy… And Allaah knows best.”

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

Sexual talk between spouses by phone

s it allowed for a married couple to speak through the telephone about sex and to excite eachother so much that one of them or both get an orgasm(without their hands, because that is not allowed) This happens because the man is living abroad for work and they see eachother only once every four month and they miss eachother very much.

Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, who answered as follows:

“There is nothing wrong with that. Yes, it is permissible.”

Question:

Even if there is use of the hand?

Answer:

“There are some reservations about use of the hand (i.e., masturbation). It is not permissible unless one fears that one may commit zina otherwise.”

Question:

So as long as there is no use of the hand, it is OK?

Answer:

“Yes, as long as there is no use of the hand, it is OK. He can imagine that he is with her and there is nothing wrong with that.”

They should also make sure that no one is listening to what they say or is spying on them. And Allaah knows best.

A husband who humiliates his wife

I have been married for 25 years and I have a number of sons and daughters. I am faced with a lot of problems from my husband, because he humiliates me a lot in front of my children and in front of relatives and strangers. He does not respect me at all, for no reason. I can only relax when he is outside the home. Please note that this man prays and fears Allaah. I hope that you can tell me the right thing to do. May Allaah reward you with good.

Praise be to Allaah. 

You have to be patient and advise him in the way that is best. Remind him of Allaah and the Last Day: perhaps he will respond and come back to the right path, and stop this bad behaviour. If he does not respond, then the sin will be on him and you will have a great reward for your patience and for putting up with his offensive behaviour. It is prescribed for you to make du’aa’ for him in your prayers (salaah) and at other times, that Allaah will guide him to the straight path and bless him with a good attitude, and that He will protect you from his evil and the evil of others.

 You also have to check yourself, and follow your religion properly. Repent to Allaah from any bad deeds and sins that you may have committed with regard to Allaah’s rights, your husband’s rights and the rights of anyone else. Perhaps he has been sent against you because of some sin that you have committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shooraa 42:30]

 There is no reason why you should not ask his father or mother or older siblings or other respected relatives or neighbours to advise him and direct him to treat his family well, in obedience to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

May Allaah put things right between you and guide your husband and bring him back to the right path of goodness and guidance, for He is the Most Generous, Most Kind.

What is the ruling on drinking one’s wife’s milk?

My wife is currently feeding our newborn child.
During sex, I drank her milk.
Is her milk halal for me?

Praise be to Allaah.

Before answering this question, we must explain some important points about the rulings (ahkaam) concerning breastfeeding (al-radaa’).

1. Breastfeeding is proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and by ijmaa’ (scholarly consensus).

Qur’aan: Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… your foster mothers who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters…” [al-Nisa’ 4:23].

Sunnah: Ibn ‘Abbaas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “What is forbidden by radaa’ (suckling or breastfeeding) is the same as what is forbidden by nasab (lineage).” (Agreed upon; al-Bukhaari, Muslim, 1444).

Ijmaa’: The scholars agree that the effect of radaa’ (breastfeeding) prohibits marriage and creates the relationship of mahram, and permits seeing and being alone (with the people to whom one is related through radaa’).

2. For breastfeeding to have the effect of transmitting its benefits from the nursing woman to the child suckled, it must meet certain conditions, which are:

The breastfeeding must happen within the first two years of the child’s life, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling…” [al-Baqarah 2:233].

The number of breastfeedings must total the known five feeds, in which the child eats his fill as if eating and drinking. If the child leaves the breast for a reason, such as to take a breath or to switch from one breast to the other, this (i.e., each separate time the child latches on) is not counted as one breastfeeding. This is the opinion of al-Shaafa’i, and the opinion favoured by Ibn al-Qayyim. The definition of rad’ah (one breastfeeding) is when the child sucks at the breast and drinks until the milk enters his stomach, then he leaves the breast of his own accord. The evidence for the number five (number of breastfeedings) is the report from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “There was in the Qur’aan [an aayah which stipulated that] ten [was the number of] breastfeedings which created the relationship of mahram, then this was abrogated [by another aayah which stipulated] five. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) died and [the aayah which stipulated five] was still being recited as part of the Qur’aan.” (Reported by Muslim, 1452). In other words, the abrogation came so late that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) died, some people had not yet heard that this aayah had been abrogated, but when they heard that it had been abrogated, they stopped reciting it, and agreed that it should not be recited, although the ruling mentioned in the aayah remained in effect. This is an abrogation of the recitation without abrogation of the ruling, which is one type of abrogation. Having understood this, breastfeeding after the first two years does not create any relationship of mahram. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars, and among the references which they quote is the aayah cited above, along with the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Nothing of breastfeeding creates the relationship of mahram except what fills the stomach to bursting point, before (the age of) weaning.” Reported by al-Tirmidhi. (No. 1152), who said: This is a hasan saheeh hadeeth. The application of this according to the scholars among the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others is that breastfeeding does not create the relationship of mahram except when it is within the first two years, and anything after the first two whole years does not create any such relationship.”

There are some other reports from the Sahaabah, such as that narrated from Abu ‘Atiyah al-Waadi’i, who said: “A man came to Ibn Mas’ood and said: ‘My wife was with me and her breasts were full of milk (she was engorged). I began to suck it and spit it out. Then I came to Abu Moosa.’ He (Ibn Mas’ood) said, ‘What did you tell him?’ So he (Abu Moosa) told him what he had told him. Then Ibn Mas’ood stood up, took the man’s hand (and said), ‘Do you think this is an infant? Breastfeeding is what produces the growth of flesh and blood.’ Abu Moosa said: ‘Do not ask me anything when this scholar is among you.’” (Reported by ‘Abd al-Razzaaq in al-Musannaf, 7/463, no. 13895).

In al-Muwatta’ (2/603), Maalik reported that Ibn ‘Umar said: “There is no breastfeeding except for the one who is breastfed in infancy; there is no breastfeeding for one who is grown up.” Its isnaad is saheeh.

Maalik also reported in al-Muwatta’ that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Dinar said: “A man came to ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar when I was with him in the court-house, asking him about breastfeeding one who is grown up. ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: ‘A man came to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab and said, “I have a slave-girl with whom I used to have sexual relations, and my wife went to her and gave her her milk, then when I went to her, she said, ‘Stop, by Allaah I have given her my milk.’” ‘Umar said, “Punish her (your wife), and (continue to) go to your slave-girl, for (the ruling on) breastfeeding only applies to breastfeeding of infants.”’” Its isnaad is saheeh.

From this is it clear that drinking one’s wife’s milk has no effect and does not create the relationship of mahram. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (9/201): “One of the conditions of breastfeeding creating the relationship of mahram is that it should be within the first two years. This is the opinion of most of the scholars. Something like this was narrated from ‘Umar, ‘Ali, Ibn ‘Umar, Ibn Mas’ood, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Abu Hurayrah and the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), apart from ‘Aa’ishah. It was also the opinion of al-Shi’bi, Ibn Shubrumah, al-Oozaa’i, al-Shaafa’i, Ishaaq, Abu Yoosuf, Muhammad, and Abu Thawr, and was narrated in one report from Maalik.

On the basis of the above, drinking one’s wife’s milk has no effect, but it is better to avoid it.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen was asked about this matter, and he replied: Breastfeeding a grown-up has no effect, because the breastfeeding which has an effect (of creating the relationship of mahram) is that which consists of five feedings or more within the first two years, before weaning. On this basis, if it happened that someone breastfed from his wife or drank her milk, he does not become her son. Fataawa Islamiyah, 3/338. And Allaah knows best.