Prohibition on quid-pro-quo marriage and its evil consequences

Two men agreed that each of them would give his sister in marriage to the other. What is the ruling on this marriage?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

This marriage is known in Arabic as nikaah al-shighaar (quid-pro-quo marriage). It is haraam and was forbidden by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 

Nikaah al-shighaar refers to when a man gives his daughter, sister or other female relative whose guardian he is in marriage on the basis that the other man will give him a female relative in marriage, or will let his son or nephew marry his daughter, sister or niece, and so on. The marriage contract done on this basis is invalid, whether a mahr is stated or not, because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade that and warned against it. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whatsoever the Messenger (Muhammad) gives you, take it; and whatsoever he forbids you, abstain (from it)”

[al-Hashr 59:7] 

In al-Saheehayn it is narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade shighaar. 

In Saheeh Muslim (1416) it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade shighaar. Ibn Numayr added: Shighaar means when a man says to another: “Give me your daughter in marriage and I will give you my daughter in marriage, or give me your sister in marriage and I will give you my sister in marriage.” 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no shighaar in Islam.” Narrated by Muslim, 1415. 

These saheeh ahaadeeth indicate that nikaah al-shighaar is haraam and invalid, and that it goes against the laws of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not differentiate between that in which a mahr is mentioned and that in which no mahr is mentioned. 

With regard to what was narrated in the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar, explaining shighaar as being when one man gives his daughter in marriage to another on the basis that he (the latter) will give him (the former) his daughter in marriage with no dowry (mahr) between them – the scholars have stated that these are the words of Naafi’, the narrator who transmitted it from Ibn ‘Umar, and are not the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained it as narrated in the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah quoted above, as being when a man gives his daughter or sister in marriage on the basis that the other man will give him his daughter or sister in marriage. He did not say, “with no dowry between them.” This indicates that whether there a dowry is mentioned or not has no effect on that. Rather the factor that determines that this marriage contract is invalid is the idea of exchange or reciprocity. That leads to a great deal of corruption, because it may lead to women being forced to marry people they have no desire to marry, and giving precedence to the interests of guardians over the interests of women. This is an evil thing and injustice towards women. It also deprives women of the dowries that their peers receive, as happens among those who engage in this wrongful contract, except those whom Allaah wills. It also leads to a great deal of arguments and disputes after marriage; this is an example of the immediate punishment (in this world) for those who go against sharee’ah. 

Ahmad (16414) and Abu Dawood (2075) narrated with a saheeh isnaad from ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Hormuz that al-‘Abbaas ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas gave his daughter in marriage to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn al-Hakam, and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan gave his daughter to him in marriage, and each of them gave a dowry. Mu’aawiyah ibn Abi Sufyaan, who was the caliph, wrote to Marwaan ordering him to separate them, and he said in his letter: “This is the shighaar which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade.” 

This incident which took place at the time of the caliph Mu’aawiyah clearly shows us what was meant by the shighaar that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade in the hadeeths quoted above, and demonstrates that mentioning a dowry does not make the marriage valid or alter the fact that it is shighaar, because al-‘Abbaas ibn ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn al-Hakam both mentioned a dowry, but Mu’aawiyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) did not pay any attention to that, and he ordered that they be separated and said: “This is the shighaar which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade.” Mu’aawiyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) had a better knowledge of the Arabic language and the meanings of the hadeeths of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) than Naafi’, the freed slave of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them all). 

With regard to the solution for one who has become involved in a shighaar marriage and who loves his wife and his wife loves him, the answer is for them to do a new marriage contract with a wali (guardian) and a new mahr, and with two witnesses of good character. In this manner they will have done what is required of them and the wife will become permissible (for the husband). They must also repent to Allaah for what happened before, and if they have children, they are to be attributed to the father because they thought that the marriage was valid. But if the husband does not love the wife or vice versa, then he has to divorce her with one talaaq, which will be a revocable divorce, and she will have the right to marry someone else once her ‘iddah is over. If the husband wants to take her back, then he may do so with a new marriage contract, if she wants to go back, in which case there are two divorces left, and there is nothing wrong with him marrying her anew during the ‘iddah period.

A Muslim is in love with a Hindu girl and wants to marry her

I have a muslim friend who is in love with a hindu girl.his family being orthodox wont accept this.would it be a sin if i help my friend in getting married with that girl?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

It is not permissible for a Muslim to marry any non-Muslim woman unless she is one of the people of the Book, i.e., a Jewish or Christian woman. If he does that then his marriage is invalid; that is adultery, not marriage; and he is a sinner who is committing a major sin. 

The evidence for that is the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Made lawful to you this day are At‑Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”

[al-Maa’idah 5:5] 

So Allaah has permitted the believing men to marry chaste believing women and chaste women from among the People of the Book. 

Imam al-Tabari said, commenting on this verse: 

“and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time” this means free woman from among those who were give the Scripture, i.e., the Jews and Christians who follow the Tawraat (Torah) and Injeel (Gospel). “Before your time” O believers in Muhammad from among the Arabs and all of mankind. You may marry them also “when you have given their due Mahr” i.e., when you give the mahr or dowry to those whom you marry from among your (Muslim) chaste women or their chaste women. 

Tafseer al-Tabari, 6/104 

It is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Magian (Zoroastrian), Hindu, communist or idol-worshipping woman, etc. The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you…”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 

Based on this, it is not permissible for you to help him to disobey Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression”

[al-Maa'idah 5:2] 

You should advise him to call her to Islam and explain to her that Allaah has forbidden him to marry her unless she becomes Muslim. If she becomes Muslim, then he can marry her, but if she insists on continuing to follow her religion, then he should fear Allaah and not marry her, and he should be patient in doing so; then Allaah will compensate him with something better, for “Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better.” 

We ask Allaah to guide us to the straight path and to keep us from slipping. 

And Allaah knows best.

A Muslim woman wants to marry a kaafir

I was asked by a Muslim girl who is an american but had been divorced a few times and is off with the Muslim community. She wants to marry a non Muslim but who believes in God. How can I stop her as I know it is not permitted. She says if it is permitted for men, why is it not permitted for women.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permitted for a Muslim man to marry a mushrik woman, or for a Muslim woman to marry a mushrik man. There are no exceptions to this except for marriage to women of the People of the Book (Jews and Christians), if they are chaste. This is what is indicated by the evidence of the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and this is what the ummah is unanimously agreed upon. It is not permissible for us to oppose the ruling of Allaah with our reasoning. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”

[al-Ahzaab 33:36] 

This woman has to fear Allaah. Whoever fears Allaah, Allaah will make a way out for him. She should also know that if she marries a non-Muslim man, even if he is one of the People of the Book, this marriage in unacceptable in Islam, rather it comes under the rulings on zinaa (fornication, adultery), because this is an invalid marriage contract.

Recording the conversation of a wife of whom one is suspicious

If a man hears from someone outside the home that his wife is talking to strange men on the phone in haraam ways, but he has no proof, is it permissible for him to install a device that will record all the conversations that go on in the house without his wife’s knowledge, so that he can find out whether this accusation is true or not?

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put this question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

If there is strong circumstantial evidence to that effect, and he knows that his wife is not very religious and not very trustworthy, then it is permissible for him to do that. And Allaah knows best.

She accuses him of being stingy and he accuses her of being extravagant

My wife and I are having bad arguments about money. She makes continual, costly demands of me and my financial situation does not allow for this because of my low wages. I told her and her family about my financial situation before we married. Now we have continuous arguments in which she accuses me of being stingy and I accuse her of being extravagant and demanding more of me than I can do. What should I do about this situation that has brought us to the brink of separation?

Praise be to Allaah.

One of the most important rights that a wife has is that her husband should spend on her, and his spending on her is one of the greatest good deeds that he can do that will bring him closer to Allaah. This spending covers food, drink, clothing and housing, and all the other things that a wife needs for her sustenance and good health.

With regard to what you mention of your wife’s complaints that you are not spending enough on her, Allaah tells us that men are the ones who should spend on women, and they have been given the position of qawwaamah (protector and maintainer) and excellence because of the money they spend on them in the mahr and on their maintenance. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]. The Qur’aan, Sunnah and consensus of the scholars (ijmaa’) all indicate that this spending is obligatory.

The Qur’aan tells us (interpretation of the meanings):

“… the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis. No person shall have a burden laid on him greater than he can bear…” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

“… And if they are pregnant, then spend on them till they deliver…” [al-Talaaq 65:6]

With regard to the evidence of the Sunnah, many ahaadeeth have been narrated which indicate that it is obligatory for a husband to spend on his wife and children and those under his guardianship, as was proven in the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allaah with regard to women, for they are your prisoners. You have taken them as a trust from Allaah, and they have become permissible to you by the word of Allaah, and they have the right to be fed and clothed reasonably by you.” (Reported by Muslim, 8/183).

‘Umar ibn al-Ahwas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “Take good care of women, for they are your prisoners and you have no rights over them beyond that, except if they commit open illegal lewdness; if they do that, then you should shun them in their beds and strike them, but not in a way that causes pain. And if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone to enter your houses who you dislike, and their rights over you are that you should clothe and feed them properly.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163; Ibn Maajah, 1851. Al-Tirmidhi said this is a hasan saheeh hadeeth).

Mu’aawiyah ibn Haydah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, what is the right of the wife of any one of us over us?’ He said: ‘That you should feed her as you feed yourself and clothe her as you clothe yourself, that you should not say to her “May Allaah make your face ugly!” and that you should not beat her.” (Reported by Abu Dawood, 2/244; Ibn Maajah, 1850; Ahmad, 4/446).

Imaam al-Baghawi said: “Al-Khattaabi said: This means that it is obligatory to spend on her and clothe her, according to the means of the husband. Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) made it a right of the wife, it is obligatory on the husband whether he is present or absent. If he is not able to do this at any particular time, it becomes a debt that he owes, as in the case of other duties, whether or not the qaadi (judge) imposes it on him for the time when he is absent.”

Wahb said: “A freed slave of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr said to him: ‘I want to spend this month here in Bayt al-Maqdis (Jerusalem).’ He said, ‘Have you left your family anything for their provisions during this month?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Then go back to your family and leave them something for their provisions, for I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying, “It is enough sin for a man to neglect those he is responsible to feed.”’” (Reported by Ahmad, 2/160; Abu Dawood, 1692)

The original hadeeth is reported by Muslim (245), with the wording: “It is enough sin for a man to keep food away from those he is responsible to feed.”

Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will ask every responsible person (literally, shepherd) about those for whom he was responsible, whether he took care of them or not, and He will even ask a man about the members of his household.” (Reported by Ibn Hibbaan and classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1774).

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “By Allaah, if one of you were to go out in the morning and gather firewood on his back, and sell it and make himself independent, and give some of it in charity, this is better for him than his coming to a man and asking for anything, whether he gives or refuses. The upper hand is better than the lower hand, and start with those who are under your care.” (Reported by Muslim, 3/96). According to a report narrated by Ahmad (2/524): It was said, “Who are those who are under our care, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Your wife is one of those who are under your care.”

With regard to the consensus of the scholars (ijmaa’):

Imaam Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/564): The scholars are agreed that it is obligatory on men to spend on their wives, except in the case of a wife who is rebellious. This was mentioned by Ibn al-Mundhir and others.

The texts referred to above indicate that it is obligatory for a man to spend on his household and to take care of them and their best interests. Numerous ahaadeeth reported from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) describe the virtue of this and state that it is a righteous deed in the sight of Allaah, for example the hadeeth of Abu Mas’ood al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him), according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a Muslim spends on his wife, and hopes for reward from Allaah, it will be counted as sadaqah (charity) on his part.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 1/136).

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Fath (9/498): “Spending on one’s wife is obligatory according to consensus (ijmaa’), and Islam described it as charity lest people think that it is only a duty for which they will not be rewarded, for they already know the rewards for charity. Islam taught them that it will be counted as charity so that they will not give to others besides their wives until they (the wives) have enough, to encourage them to give obligatory charity before they give voluntary charity.”

Sa’d ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: “No matter what you spend on your family, you will be rewarded, even for the morsel of food you put in your wife’s mouth.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3/164, and Muslim, 1628).

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A dinar spent for the sake of Allaah, a dinar spent to free a slave, a dinar given in charity to a poor person, and a dinar spent on one’s wife – the greatest in reward of all these is the dinar spent on one's wife.” (Reported by Muslim, 2/692)

Ka’b ibn ‘Ijrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man passed by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and his Companions were impressed with how strong and energetic he appeared. They said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if only this was for the sake of Allaah!’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If he is going out to earn a living for his young children, this is for the sake of Allaah; if he is going out to earn a living for his aged parents, this is for the sake of Allaah; if he is going out to earn a living so he can keep himself from begging from others, this is for the sake of Allaah; but if he is going out to boast and show off, then this is for the sake of Shaytaan.’” (Reported by al-Tabaraani, Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2/8)

The salaf (may Allaah have mercy on them) understood this duty properly, and said words to that effect. How marvellous are the words of the great imaam ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Mubaarak (may Allaah have mercy on him): “There is nothing equivalent in reward to earning money to spend on your family, not even jihaad for the sake of Allaah.” (Al-Siyar, 8/399).

At the same time, your wife should understand that the husband’s obligation to spend should be within his means and according to his financial situation, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allaah will grant after hardship, ease.” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

She has no right to mistreat her husband by asking him for too much and expecting him to exhaust himself in spending on her; that is bad treatment indeed. Perhaps if you grant her some of her reasonable requests and remind her, gently and tactfully, of the requests that you have fulfilled, you may be able to lessen her anger somewhat and persuade her to stop asking for more. You could also discuss with her, quietly and without resorting to arguing, how important her requests really are and how necessary it is to keep a certain amount for things that are more important, like paying the rent and so on. This may also persuade her to stop asking.

Know that what you lack in financial resources can be compensated for with kind words and promises for when things get better. When Allaah mentioned taking care of one’s relatives and upholding family ties, He also mentioned what a person can do who does not have money to give to his relatives. He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if you turn away from them (relatives, the poor etc. whom We have ordered you to give their rights, but you have no money at the time they ask for it) and you are awaiting a mercy from your Lord for which you hope, then speak unto them a kind, soft word (i.e., Allaah will give me and I shall give you).” [al-Isra’ 18:28]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his interpretation of this aayah: “And if you turn away from them (relatives, the poor etc. whom We have ordered you to give their rights, but you have no money at the time they ask for it) and you are awaiting a mercy from your Lord for which you hope means: if your relatives ask you for something that We have commanded you to give them, and you do not have anything, and you turn away from them because you have nothing to spend on them, then speak unto them a kind, soft word which means, promise them, gently and kindly, that when the provision of Allaah comes, we will give it to you, in sha Allaah.”

Know that a good attitude will make her forget the hardship you are going through. You have to be patient and treat her kindly, whilst repeating your advice. If life becomes too difficult and the situation between you deteriorates to such an extent that you reach a total impasse, if your efforts do not succeed and life becomes unbearable, then Allaah has permitted divorce in such cases, and this may indeed be better for both parties, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures’ need, All-Wise.” [al-Nisa’ 4:130]

Imagining intercourse between spouses

Can a husband or wife think sexually with the one's spouse when they are apart i.e. far away for time being.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Yes it is permissible for each spouse to think of the other, but we must explain the following points with regard to this matter: 

1 – The Muslim should not keep away from his wife for more than six months, as stipulated by Ameer al-Mu’mineen ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him), as was narrated by ‘Abd al-Razzaaq in his Musannaf, 7/152. 

If a Muslim is away for longer than that, then both parties may fall into temptation and be affected by whispers from the Shaytaan. 

This may lead to thinking about haraam things, and after thinking about such things he may be provoked into satisfying his desires, and this may lead him to falling into haraam – Allaah forbid. Desire has power over a person’s mind and this may lead him to look at pictures or haraam things. 

2 – The Muslim must break the power of his desire by fasting, lowering his gaze, avoiding temptation and turning away from it. He must fear Allaah as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, he is to you an open enemy”

[al-Baqarah 2:168] 

3 – Another issue that has to do with this topic is that it is not permissible for a woman to describe another (non-mahram) woman to her husband, so that he will not imagine her as if he is looking at her. 

It was narrated that Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should look at or touch another woman to describe her to her husband as if he can see her.” 

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4942). 

And Allaah knows best.

Bad-tempered wife

As-salaamu-alaikum,
I have a wife who is very temperamental. She often gets angry with me, the children and many of our family members.
I have spoken to her on many occasions and she admits & then apologises thereafter. Is there something, from the Quraan or Hadith, that I may read for her to be relaxed/calm and as far as possible for this not to happen to her. Other than this, she is a wondeful wife & mother.

Praise be to Allaah.

You will find a detailed answer to this question in the book “Problems and Solutions”, which you can read on this website under the heading “"shaykh Wa Hulool",

’s books”, and in the answer to Question #658. The fact that your wife apologizes indicates that she recognizes and regrets her mistakes, which is the first step towards solving the problem. Remind her of her position in the household and that she is an example to the children, and warn her that her children may copy her bad behaviour and it may become part of their personalities, thus perpetuating the problem. Try to contain her by your patience. Your acknowledgement that she is a good wife and mother reminds me of the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “No believing man should hate a believing woman; if he hates one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Reported by Muslim, 2672). Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on this hadeeth: “I.e., he should not hate her, because although he may find in her one characteristic which he dislikes, he will find something that pleases him. Although she may be ill-tempered, she may also be religious or beautiful or chaste or kind towards him or something like that.” We ask Allaah to guide your wife and make her character good. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem in learning Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be aware of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was vituperated and verity teaching of holy Quran and with Quranic tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the replies that are necessitated if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity substance of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Holy Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we continue with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the information of Quran tafseer and one query that we all is required to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the query remains the very same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to respond is there any Divine All these response can be found when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our job.