I like a girl who is religiously committed and of good character, but she does not like me, Is it permissible for me to pray to Allaah to make her like me and to make her my wife in the future?.
Praise be to Allaah.
decree means that Allaah has decreed all things from eternity, and He knows
that they will happen at the times that are known to Him, in specific ways
as He has written and willed. They will happen as He has decreed them and
the divine decree is one of the pillars of faith without which a person’s
faith is not valid, and belief in the divine decree is not valid unless the
Muslim believes in the four principles of the divine decree which are:
1 – Belief
that Allaah knows all things in general and in details from eternity, and
not even an atom is hidden from Him in heaven or on earth.
2 – Belief
that Allaah wrote all that in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz, fifty thousand years
before He created the heavens and the earth.
3 – Belief
in the effective will of Allaah and His all-encompassing power. Nothing
happens in this universe, good or bad, except by His will, may He be
4 – Belief
that everything is created by Allaah; He is the Creator of all things and
the Creator of their attributes and actions.
details will explain to you that Allaah has decreed from eternity who will
be your family, who will be your wife, and who will be your children.
Everything that has happened and will happen in the universe is decreed by
Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
We have created all things with Qadar (Divine Preordainments of all things
before their creation as written in the Book of Decrees __Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)”
not mean that a person has no will in this world, or that a person should
not strive to apply the means of attaining happiness and soundness. Allaah
has created a means to reach every objective. Whoever wants to have a child
has to get married. Whoever wants to be happy in the Hereafter has to strive
hard for it, and follow the path of guidance. Whoever wants wealth has to
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Know that everyone
will be guided to do that for which he was created. Whoever is meant to be
one of the people of happiness will be guided to do the deeds of the people
of happiness, and whoever is meant to be one of the people of doom will be
guided to do the deeds of the people of doom.” Agreed upon.
not tell anyone the details of what will happen to him, good or bad. Hence
everyone has to strive to bring goodness to himself and ward off harm from
himself. It is not wise to travel a path that leads to the opposite of what
he wants and then say, “I will never get anything but that which has been
decreed for me.” No one should sit in his house and then say: “I will never
get any provision but that which has been decreed for me.” No one should eat
rotten food and then say: “Nothing will happen to me but that which Allaah
has decreed for me.” These are things which if anyone does them or says
them, he would be regarded as insane and he is indeed insane.
to marriage in particular, the Muslim knows that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marriage to one who is
religiously committed. This means that he should look for and seek out one
who is religiously committed. No wise man would say “I will never try to do
that” because if he is offered a woman who is insane or ugly or old or of
bad character, he would never accept her as a wife. He will never say that
he will marry the first woman he sees or the first woman who is offered to
him. This supports what we have said, that he will turn away from some women
and will think about others and will hesitate about some of them, and so on.
If, after looking, thinking, consulting others and praying istikhaarah, he
chooses a woman who is suitable for him, he will know that what Allaah
decrees happens and what He does not decree does not happen, so he should
hope that his Lord will guide him and decree for him that which is best for
him and dearest to Allaah. Then if it happens, and his Lord decrees that he
be given it or it be withheld, and whether it is in accordance with his
desires or not, he has to think positively of his Lord and realize that
Allaah does not decree anything for His grateful, patient, believing slave
but that which is good. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for
all his affairs are good and this does not apply to anyone except the
believer. If something good happens to him he is grateful, and that is good
for him, and if something bad happens to him he is patient, and that is good
for him.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).
See also the
answer to question no. 1804.
to the effect of obedience and sin on changing the divine decree, you know
that that which is in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz can never be changed. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The pens have been
lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by
al-Tirmidhi (2516), from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas. As for the pages which
are in the hands of the angels, Allaah may command His angels to change it
because of an act of worship that a Muslim does or because of a sin that he
commits, but in the end it will not be anything other than that which was
decreed from eternity. This is indicated by the verse in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
blots out what He wills and confirms (what He wills). And with Him is the
Mother of the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)”
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged us to do some acts of
worship which have an effect of increasing a person’s lifespan, such as
upholding ties of kinship, and he said that du’aa’ can repel the divine
decree. What this means is that Allaah knew from the beginning that His
slave So and so would do this act of worship, so He decreed for him a long
life or a blessed provision, and au contraire a person may commit a sin
because of which he is deprived of provision, and Allaah knew that and
decreed it from eternity and decreed it according to His knowledge. Allaah
does not compel anyone to obey Him or disobey Him.
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) summed this up in one
narrated that Thawbaan said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Nothing increases one’s lifespan
except righteousness and nothing repels the divine decree except du’aa’, and
a man may be deprived of provision by a sin that he commits.”
said in Misbaah al-Zujaajah (no. 33)
I asked our
Shaykh Abu’l-Fadl al-‘Iraaqi (may Allaah have mercy on him) about this
hadeeth and he said: This is a hasan hadeeth. End quote.
It was also
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.
narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his rizq
(provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the
ties of kinship.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5640) and Muslim (2557).
narrated with his isnaad from Abu ‘Uthmaan al-Nahdi, that ‘Umar ibn
al-Khattaab said when he was circumambulating the Ka’bah and weeping: “O
Allaah, if You have decreed that I should be doomed or commit sin, then
erase it, for You erase whatever You will, and You confirm (whatever You
will), and with You is the Mother of the Book, so make it happiness and
Abu Waa’il Shaqeeq ibn Salamah often used to supplicate with these words: “O
Allaah, if You have decreed that we be doomed, then erase it and decree that
we be blessed. If You have decreed that we be blessed, then confirm it for
us, for You erase whatever You will and You You confirm (whatever You will),
and with You is the Mother of the Book.” (Tafseer al-Tabari, 7/398).
See also the
answer to question no. 43021.
for a girl who is of good character and religiously committed means that you
must beware of falling into anything that is forbidden in sharee’ah, such as
corresponding with her, speaking to her or being alone with her. We do not
advise you to pray to Allaah to make her like you, rather we advise you to
pray that Allaah will bless you with a righteous wife. If you see a woman to
whom the description of a righteous woman applies, then go ahead and propose
marriage to her. There is no need to specify a particular woman who may
reciprocate your love and then you may both do something that is contrary to
sharee’ah but it may not be easy for you to get married. Asking Allaah to
help you to find a righteous wife is better for you, in our opinion.
To be honest
with you, we think that forming an attachment to that girl is a sign of
idleness. What we mean is that you are not keeping yourself busy with
important things, so the Shaytaan is filling your heart with things that
will harm you and affect your religious commitment, or things that go
against your best interests.
narrated that Ibn ‘Aa’ishah said: I said to a doctor who was highly
proficient: What is love? He said: The occupation of an empty heart. [Dhamm
But tell me,
by Allaah, are you seriously looking for a suitable wife right now?
If you are
serious about it, would you really go ahead and get married now?
If you are
serious about getting married now, are your circumstances suited for that?
narrated that Muhammad ibn Maslamah said: I proposed marriage to a woman,
then I hid and waited to see her until I saw her among some date palm trees
that belonged to her. It was said to him: Do you do such a thing when you
are a companion of the Messenger of Allaah (S)? He said, “When Allaah causes
a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at
Ibn Maajah (1864); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Look at how
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) made permission
to look conditional upon the intent to marry.
said: This is an exception to the prohibition on looking at a non-mahram
woman. Hence it is only justified in cases of necessity when it is hoped
that the marriage will go ahead.
al-Qattaan (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the one who is proposing
marriage to a woman knows that she will not marry him, and that her guardian
will not agree to it, then it is not permissible for him to look at her,
even if he has already asked her family for her hand in marriage, because
looking is only permitted so that it might be a cause of the marriage going
ahead. If he is sure that it will not happen, then the basic principle that
looking is not allowed remains in effect.
fi Ahkaam al-Nazr, 391.
It is well
known that wanting to get married on the part of one who cannot afford it or
whose circumstances do not permit it at the present time is a kind of
fooling about and wasting time, which distracts the heart from useful
things, and may even cause harm.
When you are
serious, then seek the help of Allaah and ask Him to guide you. If she
remains as she is, and you have prayed istikhaarah asking your Lord for
guidance, then go ahead and propose to her. Otherwise, there are many other
women like her, so seek one who is religiously committed, may your hands be
rubbed with dust!
Allaah to guide you to that which will please Him, and to help you to do
that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to bless you with a righteous
wife and good offspring.
Following note from Muslim Quran online Blog
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End of the note by quran education